I just had a moment of clarity, while coaxing myself back from a triggered response of short tempered and frustrated defensiveness. For context—the last couple of years at work (in a previous role) were incredibly toxic, especially the final 8 months or so. Earlier this year, I changed teams and got some much needed space from the situation. Now, I’m working on a project with the same two women again.
This morning, I was reminded of how difficult it really was. And as I got angry and bitter, as I wanted to gossip and complain about them, and I felt my heart rate picking up, and the urge to spew hurt back reared its head—I had a moment of clarity.
Yes, their behavior is toxic. Yes, they made your life so difficult. AND you have a visceral, emotional reaction to them. AND in this moment, you are the one making your life harder. Sure, there are reasons to be frustrated and their communication is still terrible, but you still have your work to do. And not in a “suck it up and push it down” way, but in an authentic, empowered, self-determined way: “So, how are YOU going to react?”
I can regulate myself and bring my heart rate back down. I can take a break and take some breaths. I can focus on doing the work that I enjoy (!) without the emotional rollercoaster, without getting worked up. Acknowledging the way thing are without spiraling down right alongside them.